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As I hit the one year contributor mark with The Film Magazine, I reflect on what I have learnt over my time with them, as a film reviewer and a writer. I’m not sure what this post is going to end up being about yet, but I’m hoping whatever words spill out do it justice.

Today I hit my one year milestone with The Film Magazine (TFM), and I couldn’t quite believe it. Exactly 12 months ago today, Joseph Wade emailed me back and welcomed me to the team.  Looking back on who I was, I realise now I was on an emotional roller coaster headed down, both on and off the page

I joined TFM during a bleak time in my life, when my omnipresent depression finally managed to chip away and attack things that made up the fibre of my being. My love of film was the target and my ability to write about it the bullseye.

Despite the niggling sense that I was absolutely useless at everything, I challenged myself and applied. I obviously didn’t realise it then but the positive, welcoming email I received back was a leg-up out of my creative  pity pit.

I tentatively typed out a psychoanalytical theory about Darren Aronofsky’s Mother, which was again met with noting but positivity and praise – even if it was a bit jarring in places.

If you write, then you know exactly what this kind of response can mean. I spent so many years wrapped up in an insecurity blanket, lulled into a false sense of warm security as I wrote countless words for work (I am a journalist), but none for myself.

Even now, in this very second, that familiar stab of self-depreciation is trying to dance about in my brain. But now I don’t let it stop me.

Since that first piece, I have continued to write when I can and have even started writing on my blog again. My confidence in my own ability as a film reviewer, writer and general “buff” has seen me guest on podcasts (most recently The Betamax Video Club) and pitch to print magazines – something I wouldn’t have been able to do without the support of TFM.

 

I have also made a couple of online banter buddies (fucking kill me, I can’t think of a better way to describe it) in Katie Doyle and Annice White. Sup gals.

A year into my contributing journey and I am in a much better position than I was with my abilities as a filmy-writer-person, and I couldn’t have built my confidence without taking the first step and applying. The support, feedback and encouragement I have got from team TFM has been outstanding, and my articles have featured in the top 10 and 20 most read of 2018. Rad or what?

So I guess the point of this is twofold, to say thank you to everyone at TFM for supporting me on my journey through the minefield of insecurity, and to encourage anyone else struggling to find their voice to get in touch with Joseph. Submit your work, put your words out there and let stuff happen! It might just be the best thing you ever did…

Thanks for having me The Film Magazine, it’s been friggin aces!

Side note: the TFM 100 film challenge could be the inspiration you never knew you needed

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